My Parent with Dementia Won’t Move: What Happens Next in Ontario
by Joy Birch, President, Highview Residences
It’s one of the hardest situations families face:
You know it’s no longer safe for your parent to live at home.
But they refuse to move.
What happens next?
When Safety Becomes a Concern
Dave first realized something was wrong when his brother visited their parents’ home in Mississauga.
They weren’t eating.
They were drinking wine instead of preparing meals.
Weight had been lost.
Their mom had been living with dementia for some time. Their dad—who had been her primary support—was now experiencing changes as well.
Dave went to stay with them for a week.
“They could get up and get dressed,” he recalls. “But they couldn’t manage meals. They weren’t really taking care of themselves.”
It became clear they could not continue living on their own.
“You May As Well Kill Me”
When Dave suggested moving into a home, the response was immediate.
His mom refused.
“You may as well kill me,” she said.
This is something many families hear in different ways.
The resistance is real—and often rooted in fear, confusion, or a very different understanding of what is happening.
Does Power of Attorney Mean You Can Decide?
Dave and his brother had Power of Attorney for Personal Care.
But that did not mean they could simply make the decision.
In Ontario, a substitute decision maker can only step in if the person is found incapable of making that specific decision.
And that determination must be made by a qualified professional.
How Capacity Is Assessed
The question is not simply:
“Is it safe for them to live at home?”
The question is:
Do they understand the risks—and can they appreciate what could happen if they stay?
This is an important distinction.
Someone may be living in an unsafe situation and still be considered capable of choosing to remain there.
When the Decision Shifts
Dave and his brother asked their parents’ family doctor to assess capacity.
In the end, the doctor determined that due to their dementia, they were not able to understand or appreciate the risks of remaining at home.
At that point, the responsibility shifted.
Dave and Pete now had the legal authority—and responsibility—to make the decision on their parents’ behalf.
Making the Decision
Even with that authority, the decision was not easier.
“It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done,” Dave says.
“How do you take away the independence of the people who raised you?”
This is the emotional reality for many families.
It is not about control.
It is about stepping in when it becomes necessary.
Understanding the Options
At this point, many families begin to explore what care options are available.
It can be helpful to understand the difference between retirement homes and long-term care.
Retirement homes are privately paid and offer flexible support that can be added as needs change, often with shorter wait times.
Long-term care is government-funded, with set monthly fees and typically longer waiting lists. In Ontario, there are more than 50,000 people currently waiting, and access requires a formal application through Home and Community Care before a room can be offered.
Some families also consider remaining at home with private support. However, one-to-one care can reach upwards of $30,000 per month, depending on the level of care needed.
Understanding these options can help families make more informed decisions about timing and next steps.
Creating a Plan That Feels Thoughtful
Dave reached out to Highview, where a Home in Kitchener was able to support both of his parents together.
A plan was created to make the move as smooth as possible.
“We recognize this is an emotional day,” shared a member of the Highview team. “For the person moving—and for the family. We do everything we can to help it feel as settled and supported as possible.”
Looking Back
Today, Dave is clear about one thing:
“If we hadn’t acted, they wouldn’t have been okay.”
At the same time, he understands why it was so difficult.
“My parents were strong, independent people. It almost had to unfold the way it did.”
His advice for other families:
“Don’t delay. Recognize what’s happening and act sooner rather than later.”
A Thought for Families
If you are facing this situation, you are not alone.
There is often a moment when the question shifts from:
“How do we respect their wishes?”
to:
“How do we keep them safe?”
There is no easy answer—but there is support.
We’re Here to Help
At Highview, we work with families every day who are navigating decisions around safety, timing, and next steps.
Our Homes in London, Kitchener, and Lucan are thoughtfully arranged to provide consistent care in a setting that feels familiar, calm, and truly like home.
If you are unsure what to do next, we are here to talk it through with you.
Highview offers thoughtfully designed homes where people living with dementia are cared for in ways that feel familiar, calm, and truly like home.
The goal is to create a place where people are supported to live with independence, connection, and purpose in daily life.
For dementia care in London, Kitchener, and Lucan, we are here to help.