Keeping Couples Together in Dementia Care: Why It Matters
by Joy Birch, President, Highview Residences
As the number of people living with dementia in Canada continues to grow, more families are facing complex and emotional decisions about care.
One of the most difficult—and often overlooked—questions is this:
What happens when both partners need support?
For many couples, the answer has traditionally meant separation. When care needs increase, husbands and wives are often placed in different settings—sometimes for the first time in decades.
In that moment, it’s not just a move.
It can feel like a loss of home, routine, and one another.
Why Staying Together Matters
For couples who have spent a lifetime together, the presence of a partner offers more than companionship.
It provides:
A sense of familiarity in changing surroundings
Emotional reassurance during moments of confusion
Daily rhythms that feel known and grounding
Even when memory changes, connection often remains.
When couples are separated, families will often notice:
Increased anxiety or restlessness
Changes in mood or engagement
A sense of disorientation that is hard to explain
Staying together can help preserve a sense of continuity—something that becomes increasingly important over time.
The Reality in Long-Term Care
In Ontario, many long-term care homes aim to keep couples together through spousal reunification policies. However, this process can take time.
With more than 50,000 people currently waiting for long-term care, couples are often placed wherever space becomes available—rather than together.
For families, this can mean navigating uncertainty while trying to support two people with different needs, in different places.
A Different Approach
Some homes are designed with the flexibility to care for couples together, even when their needs are not identical.
One partner may be living with dementia, while the other may require support with mobility, health conditions, or general daily living.
Together, they are a unit.
Apart, something important can be lost.
“We want to do everything we can to help life partners stay together as they age; it’s the right thing to do,” shared Randy Delorey, former Minister of Health and Wellness. “Couples should be able to stay together even if one person may need a different level of care.”
A Story of Reconnection
Liz experienced firsthand how important it was for her cousin Audrey and Audrey’s husband, Ross, to remain together.
Both were living with dementia, though in different ways.
“Audrey has the dementia with forgetfulness,” Liz explains. “Ross had the dementia with ‘I don’t trust a soul.’ He was very paranoid, which caused a lot of challenges.”
When Ross was hospitalized, Audrey struggled without him.
“She would come into the room in the middle of the night and ask where Ross was, forgetting that he was in the hospital.”
Around-the-Clock Care—and Peace of Mind
Today, Leslie’s mom has 24-hour support in a setting that feels calm and familiar.
“She’s safe,” Leslie says. “That’s the biggest thing.”
She can move freely within a secure setting, spend time in the garden, play piano, or sit in the sunroom.
Meals are flexible. Snacks are always available. And the people around her know her well.
“They know her as a person—not just someone living there. They know what she likes. They know how to connect with her.”
Even after he returned home, it became clear they needed more support. Daily routines—medication, meals, safety—were becoming difficult to manage.
The decision was made to move them into a home where they could receive care together.
“Although they weren’t a lovey-dovey couple, they needed each other,” Liz shared. “Ross needed Audrey for her eyes, and she needed him for support. It was such a relief to know they were cared for—and that they were together.”
What to Look for When Choosing a Home for Couples
If staying together is important, it can help to ask:
Can couples live together in the same suite?
Can different levels of care be supported within the same home?
How are changing needs managed over time?
What happens if one partner’s care needs increase?
Not all homes are designed to accommodate couples in this way—so it’s important to ask early in your search.
A Thought to Hold
For many couples, being together is not just a preference—it is part of how they experience safety, familiarity, and daily life.
Even when words become harder to find, presence still matters.
We’re Here to Help
At Highview, we understand how important it is for couples to remain together.
Our Homes in London, Kitchener, and Lucan are thoughtfully arranged to support different levels of care within one shared setting—so couples can continue living side by side.
If you are exploring options for a couple, we are here to talk through what is possible.
Highview offers thoughtfully designed homes where people living with dementia are cared for in ways that feel familiar, calm, and truly like home.
The goal is to create a place where people are supported to live with independence, connection, and purpose in daily life.
For dementia care in London, Kitchener, and Lucan, we are here to help.